Shelby has her big sister middle name, We were not sure we were going to give her Skylar's middle name as we wanted her to have her own name. Yet when she was born at 5:18am Skylar's birthday is May 18 or 5/18/12 we decided to give Shelby Skylar's middle name.
There have been many hard moments along with the best moments. For me the hardest part is knowing our girls should be 1 year and almost 1 week apart. I think about all the sweet things a 1 year old should be doing. How Skylar should be doting on Shelby or seeing how they would get along. Yet we will never see that ever except in our minds. I still cannot open the bag we took to the hospital to have Skylar. I sometimes look at her little dresses she wore yet I cannot bring myself to get out somethings Shelby could use. They are Skylar's and we want to keep them for her. I am going to get another wubbanub for Shelby.
The one thing I wanted to do with our new baby is take her to meet her big sister. It was the hardest thing to do. The emotions were overwhelming, I just wanted my baby back and to know that is not possible is horrible.
With having a new daughter it makes me sad at times to see the clothes that were Skylar's that can't be used for we now use them for Shelby. You would think it would e good to see that her little sister can use them, Yet it is sad at times. i don't mind using the newborn sizes as Skylar could not use them when she was born as she was a big girl at 8lbs 9.5oz.
I am happy Shelby can use them yet miss Skylar all the same. We always will miss no matter how many children we have. The grief is still here and some days is tough to deal with. Now we have someone to help lighten the dark days.
Now we learn to learn to live with life after loss. Something I wish no one had to learn.
We love you Big Sister
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