Wednesday, December 5, 2012

6 Months Later

Last Sunday Skylar turned 6 months old.

How we wish she was here for us to enjoy, I see babies everywhere like they are some kind of magnet. Some babies cause me to have panic attacks.

Baby boys are okay at times, Girls break my heart. It is hard to imagine what she would look like and be doing at 6 months. I am sure she would be sitting up and playing and laughing at her sisters and brothers.

While in Target today I glanced at a shelf that had baby clothes on it someone left.

Sitting there was a outfit that said My First Christmas in a 9 months size.

That would have fit Skylar, We miss her so much all the time. The pain has not gotten any easier. We go forward like we are being pushed, Not because we want to but we have to.

There is no choice but to go forward. I read other's blog and one blogger has a son born a week before Skylar and another blogger has a daughter born the same day.

I see what she would be doing thru these children. That can be a good thing other times it is bad. The only thing is these children are not Skylar and she would have done things at her own pace.

Now I know the post is a little later than Skylar's actual 6 month birthday so I have more updates and such now.

Now I am learning to deal with the birth of a baby girl in the family. My cousin had her daughter two days ago. No one called or let me know I just found out thru my grandma or on Facebook. It is very hard for me to deal with it. At first I was jealous as she has her live baby now, A daughter!

Something we had but is now gone, I stare at Skylar's pictures and wish she was here.

I am not sure how to begin to deal with my cousin, Do I want to see her baby? I am not sure, maybe out of curiosity. I know I would cry and feel terrible seeing her child. It feels like a slap in the face that her daughter is alive and ours is gone. I know this is the jealousy talking, I should see her daughter as her gift. Sometimes it is hard for me to remember that.

As we get ready for the Christmas Season we will always remember the joy and blessing in having Skylar. I still have to find her baby born in 2012 ornament and we will get her something for Christmas. Even if she is not here physically with us we know she is always in our hearts and minds.

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