Yesterday I saw her carseat.
No, Not the one that sits in the closet unused waiting for someone to fill it with a lovable baby. This was the same carseat, with a baby that looked to be the same age as Skylar. Guess What?
The baby in the same carseat was the same age as Skylar's would have been. 3 months!
How is this fair, I see the little sweet bundle that is this couples baby. Sitting there waving his little fist in the air, So little, so cute. It is hard to imagine Skylar would be just like that also. Just bigger than that little boy. I am glad the baby in there was a boy, If it was a girl I would have felt worse, I still got anxiety seeing this baby. I wish I did not get this way when I see babies. I want to be happy when I see them not want to run in the other direction. I just want my daughter back, I know God does not hate us and only has love for us. It just is hard to see babies Skylar's age and not have her here.
I found out today my ob wants me to wait at least 3 months before getting pregnant. Well I guess that is not that bad it will 3 months postpartum on August 18. I just want another baby to love. I will always love Skylar and nothing will change that. For me a another baby would bring me a little peace instead of always crying when I see newborns.
I just have to put everything in God's hands.