Saturday, October 20, 2012

5 Months 2 Days

5 Months and 2 Days our daughter would have been. Where has the time gone? She is never far from my mind. It is always swiriling with thoughts of her.

How would she be at 5 months? How much would she weigh? How long would her hair be by now?

I can only guess and imagine what she would be like right now and honestly it hurts. Some days I have so many questions about Skylar and really there are no answers just more questions.

I went to Hobby Lobby the other day and bought a new picture frame for Skylar's pictures. I love it, It is a heavy glass on both sides and you can put two pictures in it which is what we did. It looks beautiful and I love looking at Skylar all the time.

I look at her and see how beautiful she is, I love her wavy black hair and her tiny ears. Such a delicate baby. Jut seeing her brings me joy.

I also see right now as the time of year we would be picking out Halloween costumes. We have a costume we have used with all our children and Skylar would have worn it. I think what I may do is take it to the cemetery and take a picture of it and at least that way we can have her in it even though she is not here physically. We know she is with us all the time though.

I bought some beautiful Chinese lanterns that we are going to send Skylar as on her actual birthday it was raining so that washed away that idea. We will send them off tonight and let her know we love and miss her so much.

How am I feeling these days.

Somedays I still feel like this is not all real yet, I am only 5 months and 2 days out from losing our daughter so I think this is normal. Somedays you still wake up and get that sad feelings and feel like crying and I know that is okay. Other days you go on and know that someone is missing and just deal with it. Which sucks big time, I am greatful we got to celebrate all the angel babies day on October 15.

Next year we will get a candle and light it, This year we did not have one. I want to find one that is just right for her. I also want to find a way to honor all the babies gone too soon.

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