I hate feeling so sad, I miss my daughter beyond words. I have felt more sad the past weekend than I have in a long time. I am feeling a little better today than I over the weekend. I still have a intense need to have her with us. I miss her every moment of the day.
Life goes on around me yet I still get caught up in the moments leading up to Skylar's birth. Some times it is very hard to go into a store and see all the baby clothes that Skylar could be wearing. I get caught up wondering what would she look like at almost 10 weeks. Would she be laughing? smiling? I miss all the little things that I will never get to experience with her.
I look at Skylar's clothes and see each little outfit that I lovingly picked out for her. Many summer dresses with little matching hats that her precious little head will never wear. Sometimes I am very angry at how unfair it was that she was taken from us. Why? What was her purpose of leaving us behind. I want her in my arms so bad. I even took a little diaper and pretended to put it on her and rock her in my arms. I guess you could call that sad and pathetic. I call it wishing my baby was here with me.
I also find myself jealous of pregnant women, It really hurts sometimes. I loved being pregnant but what I am jealous over is they get to take there baby home. I did not get that chance.
Some days I find myself wishing I could go back in time and save Skylar. She was fine that morning then my placenta failed her at 6pm. I would have gone in a lot sooner had I known what was really happening. I know I did not know what was happening yet I blame myself for failing her. I am her Mom yet I could not sustain her. My placenta worked great for 41 weeks, It grew a 8lbs 9.5oz baby girl who was healthy and then it peeled away leaving her no oxygen to survive. Why could it not have given her a chance at life? Now we go on without her and miss her more and more everyday
That is the one thing I have to work thru, It will take time, But with God we will work thru this and come out to be better people because we loved Skylar and God blessed us with her and for that I am forever grateful. Her time was short, But she made a impact that will last a lifetime and more.
We love you Skylar Jean, You are our angel.