Friday, June 15, 2012

The 4th Friday

It has been 4 Fridays since Skylar was born, How can that be? If anyone asked can you survive the death of your child? I would be the first to tell them I would probably be crazy and I could not survive it. Yet here I am 4 weeks later, Although Skylar will be 1 month in Heaven on Monday. I have tons of questions about her birth that hopefully we will find some answers to. Mainly I sit here wishing and wanting her here so bad. I cannot fathom how we were chosen for this journey. It is a sucky one for sure. I went into the closet today where all Skylar's stuff sits, Unused. So cruel, The beautiful pink cover for the pack and play, Her car seat, swing and baby bath tub. All will not be used by Skylar. I so wish it would have been, I will forever miss her. We hope one day her little sister or brother could use her stuff. Today I cried a little more for you than the past few days. The dream I had of you the other day only left me longing for you. I know it would be true if Jesus brought you to me and let me have you just for 5 minutes I know I would not give you back. I am grateful to Jesus to have taken our sins and washed them clean so that you may live in heaven forever with him and wait until we are there with you. I am greatful to God to bless me with your brothers and sisters to help keep me sain. I love them all so much and I know they all would have loved you Skylar so much. They loved to pat your bottom in my stomach to try to get you to move. Skylar please know that while I long for another baby they will never replace you. I love you so much and would never do that. I want you, Another baby would bring us a little healing. I just want you to know we always think of you no matter what time it is. I miss you more and more each day, While we are slowy getting used to the idea you were here only a short time. We will always dream of what you could be doing. Please keep watch from heaven on us, We love you and always and forever miss you.

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