Thursday I will go to the OB for my six week checkup. Has six weeks passed? Some days it feels like a year, Some just a few days. Other times I wonder if I dreamed Skylar up? Was she just a beautiful angel I was pregnant with in a dream? I sure hope not, Then I have the pain of losing her. I know that is all to real. Some days are better than other's, Easier never just different. Some days I feel okay and other days it is a all day long lingering sadness.
I miss everything that should have been, Would have been. The little outfits that were Skylar's sit on the dresser never to be touched by her. I do have some outfits she wore when the wonderful photographer from www.NILMDTS.org came and took her pictures. There are no word to express how truly grateful I am for the NILMDTS organization. Skylar was born at almost 11pm and our wonderful photographer came and a little while afterwards and took her pictures. They are something I will truly treasure for the rest of my life and I cannot wait to get them printed out and hang them up.
Back on the OB front, What made Skylar pass away was a placenta abruption. I was 41 weeks pregnant with her. I will one day type up her birth story, Right now is not the time. It is a very hard thing to process and that is why I am will write her birthstory later.
The other thing is sometimes life hands us situations that are very unfair. With Skylar's passing it is not fair that we don't get to raise our daughter. To see her little smile and her face, We will only have memories of the best 13 hours of our life. Time is so short and 13 hours will never be enough.
There are times I see newborn babies who are about the same age as Skylar and it makes me cry so hard. I cry for all that we have lost and will never have. I truly hope that everyone who has children and babies hold them tighter, kiss them more, Hold them. Truly enjoy all that you have for one day you will not have that. I am so very thankful for our six other children and love them immensley. Yet I will always long for our seventh child our beautiful Skylar. I know many have seen this saying and Iwill post it here for it truly reflects what we had.
Some can only dream angels, Yet we held one in our arms.
Truer words have not be spoken, For Skylar is our angel and we truly hope when the day comes to have another baby. That she will be his/her gaurdian angel.
We Love You Skylar Jean our very own Angel.